Use of the term 'Exceptional Circumstances' rises exponentially in the last 48 hrs"
Westminister - As the nation is coming to terms with the fact that a man and a woman having a 4 year old child, that requires childcare, is an 'Exceptional Circumstance', analysis from the Office of National Statistics have shown an exponential rise in the use of the term 'Exceptional Circumstances'.
"We first noted an increase in the use of 'Exceptional Circumstances' around 3pm on Saturday afternoon", stated government statistician St-John St-Johnson (54), "Over the next 48 hours that figure has gone through the roof, with Health Secretary Matt Hancock reaching a lofty 11 tppm (Tired Phrases Per Minute) at his briefing on Tuesday afternoon"
But this new calibration of the term 'Exceptional Circumstances', making everyday situations, exceptional is bringing a new joy to many convicted lockdown busters
"Turns out my £30 fine for driving four miles to the park to walk my dog, could now be reclassified as an 'exceptional circumstance' ", claimed furloughed café inhabitant, Colin Collinson (54) of Barton Stacey, "That also goes for my £60 fine for the 'exceptional circumstance' going to the local supermarket to buy a packet of Hobnobs one Wednesday and my £100 fine for popping round to Lindsey and Steph's BBQ last bank holiday Monday"
As fears rise over the unprecedented usage of the term, the nation should not be alarmed. Oxford Press are planning on building a huge 'Nightingale' edition of the Oxford Dictionary of Phrases, with as many as 2000 empty pages, in order to demonstrate that 'capacity is ramping up'.
"We first noted an increase in the use of 'Exceptional Circumstances' around 3pm on Saturday afternoon", stated government statistician St-John St-Johnson (54), "Over the next 48 hours that figure has gone through the roof, with Health Secretary Matt Hancock reaching a lofty 11 tppm (Tired Phrases Per Minute) at his briefing on Tuesday afternoon"
But this new calibration of the term 'Exceptional Circumstances', making everyday situations, exceptional is bringing a new joy to many convicted lockdown busters
"Turns out my £30 fine for driving four miles to the park to walk my dog, could now be reclassified as an 'exceptional circumstance' ", claimed furloughed café inhabitant, Colin Collinson (54) of Barton Stacey, "That also goes for my £60 fine for the 'exceptional circumstance' going to the local supermarket to buy a packet of Hobnobs one Wednesday and my £100 fine for popping round to Lindsey and Steph's BBQ last bank holiday Monday"
As fears rise over the unprecedented usage of the term, the nation should not be alarmed. Oxford Press are planning on building a huge 'Nightingale' edition of the Oxford Dictionary of Phrases, with as many as 2000 empty pages, in order to demonstrate that 'capacity is ramping up'.
