Eccentric Millionaire buys Bundesliga clubs so extended family can avoid Social Distancing restrictions
Germany - An eccentric millionaire has today purchased several Bundesliga soccer clubs in order that his family can live their dreams of playing professional sport and also meet circumventing social distancing rules.
Barton Stacey multi-millionaire Collin Collinson (54), CEO of 'Orinoco Flow', Hampshire's only Enya themed bathroom and plumbing retailer, has purchased Bayern Munich, Borussia Monchengladbach, Werder Bremen and SC Freiburg.
"I haven't seen my parents for three months", Mr Collinson lamented, "So I'm delighted to announce that Borussia Mönchengladbach have made two exciting signings, namely my father Colin (83) at left back and my mother Collina (81) a highly intelligent centre midfielder, just in time for me to make my debut as centre forward for Bayern Munich next weekend and deliver a tin of biscuits I've had in the back of my car since February."
SC Freiburg also announced they would be signing Mr Collinson's sister, Philomena (53) brother-in-law Phillip (55) and their children Alex (32), Eddie (29) and Michael (25) to bolster their midfield, just in time for the Bayern Munich game on the 20th.
"Even more exciting", explained Mr Collinson, "The Freiburg fixture will be the first Bundesliga game to hold a family BBQ in the centre circle."
Sports observers were exceptionally shocked to see another one of Mr Collinson's clubs, Werder Bremen sign unknown Icelandic goalkeeper, five foot three, Ms Sarah Sarahdottir (26), who was formally Mr Collinson's personal assistant and frequent business trip companion before lockdown, just in time for Bayern's visit on the 16th June.
"I'm very much looking forward to renewing our professional acquaintance", a visibly excited Mr Collinson explained, trying to resist predictable puns about action in the six-yard box, "I haven't seen Ms Sarahdottir since the start of lockdown, when the car park at the Wellington Monument in Aldershot was closed down".
Future Bayern Munich fixtures are rumoured to include a karaoke bar installed on the left side of midfield, a large bucket to keep the beers cool in the dugout and summer tour of Thailand.
Barton Stacey multi-millionaire Collin Collinson (54), CEO of 'Orinoco Flow', Hampshire's only Enya themed bathroom and plumbing retailer, has purchased Bayern Munich, Borussia Monchengladbach, Werder Bremen and SC Freiburg.
"I haven't seen my parents for three months", Mr Collinson lamented, "So I'm delighted to announce that Borussia Mönchengladbach have made two exciting signings, namely my father Colin (83) at left back and my mother Collina (81) a highly intelligent centre midfielder, just in time for me to make my debut as centre forward for Bayern Munich next weekend and deliver a tin of biscuits I've had in the back of my car since February."
SC Freiburg also announced they would be signing Mr Collinson's sister, Philomena (53) brother-in-law Phillip (55) and their children Alex (32), Eddie (29) and Michael (25) to bolster their midfield, just in time for the Bayern Munich game on the 20th.
"Even more exciting", explained Mr Collinson, "The Freiburg fixture will be the first Bundesliga game to hold a family BBQ in the centre circle."
Sports observers were exceptionally shocked to see another one of Mr Collinson's clubs, Werder Bremen sign unknown Icelandic goalkeeper, five foot three, Ms Sarah Sarahdottir (26), who was formally Mr Collinson's personal assistant and frequent business trip companion before lockdown, just in time for Bayern's visit on the 16th June.
"I'm very much looking forward to renewing our professional acquaintance", a visibly excited Mr Collinson explained, trying to resist predictable puns about action in the six-yard box, "I haven't seen Ms Sarahdottir since the start of lockdown, when the car park at the Wellington Monument in Aldershot was closed down".
Future Bayern Munich fixtures are rumoured to include a karaoke bar installed on the left side of midfield, a large bucket to keep the beers cool in the dugout and summer tour of Thailand.